Nadine

No, this isn’t post about the song from Frozen. But I mean, it sort of relates. Same theme, really. Letting go of your fears. Sometimes I feel like Elsa is singing a song I wrote. I digress. This post is about letting go of something I have been carrying around for almost 20 years.

I have my BBA in Real Estate. I don’t know if I have ever shared that on here or not. I have worked in real estate to some capacity since 2005 when I graduated college. Real Estate Marketing is one of the classes I was required to take. This class wasn’t so much about marketing, as it was more about psychology. And my professor had me pegged early on. He was determined to break me. I mean that in a good way. I think he saw my potential, but knew that I was someone who held back. He constantly called me out in front of the whole class, and let me tell you…there were only two real estate professors at UWG at the time. So I had him A LOT throughout my years for different classes. It gave me anxiety when I saw I had to take another class with him, knowing I couldn’t just sit in the back and never talk.

Anyways, the final for Real Estate Marketing is quite terrifying. You have to write out your fears on this wooden board, and break it with your hands in front of the entire class. That is it. If you break the board, you pass. If you don’t…you fail.

I spent some time deciding which of my fears I was willing to share with the class. But I also wanted to be true to myself. My biggest fear was not succeeding. I never felt like I was good enough. Not growing up, not in grade school, not in college, not as I was about to enter the work force. I let fear control so much of me.

I had a breakdown last Thursday. Zoe told me she didn’t like me when I had asked her to help clean up her room, and that was the last thing to push me over the edge. The truth is, it was a long time coming. I am sick of the pandemic, I am sick of the political atmosphere and all the vile hate going around, I am sick of sitting at home and not being able to go places, 6 months of our lives just gone with not much to show for. Knowing that Zoe is our only child, and we only get 18 years with her, and half of one is gone and all of the little things that we missed getting to experience. I just want to hug my mom, invite my sister in my house, see my friends in person, take Zoe to dance and let her have play dates. Those are all the things I thought I was upset about. I cried for awhile for all of those things and then after Zoe went to bed, I poured a drink and went downstairs to hang out with Chris and listen to music to unwind.

Then all the rest came out. I don’t even remember what came up. But then I started talking about all this stuff from the past. And how I get in my own way constantly. And Chris mentioned the board from my Real Estate Marketing final. I went upstairs and got it. I knew exactly where I kept it. I was holding on to it as a reminder, I told myself. But really, I was holding on to it out of fear.

I handed Chris the board and said, “This is everything you need to know about me.” And he looked at it and said, “No it’s not. This isn’t you. I don’t even know this girl.” And I just stared at him. And he told me all the reasons I am none of these things. And that I hold myself back. And he walked towards the trash can with this board and I freaked out and grabbed it back from him and said “What are you doing?!?!?! You cant throw this away!” And he said, “Let it go. This isn’t you anymore. You have been carrying your fears around for 20 years and it is time to let it go.”

I stood there staring at the board for a minute…..and then I trashed it. I am none of those things on that board. And I am going to stop letting my fear, my past, the things I make up in my head, hold me back. There have been a few things I have always wanted to do, and I am going to fucking do them. Because I can. Because if I actually just start doing them, I will succeed. If I stop being afraid and telling myself I cant, and just do it.

So I am putting this out there because you have to stop carrying around your fears. For me, it was quite literally carrying them around physically. I somehow feel lighter knowing that this board isn’t sitting in a drawer in my office.

You are good enough. You can succeed.

Chris made sure to take this bag down to the curb right after I threw it away, knowing like a psycho I could potentially go back and grab it out of the trash can. I watched the next morning as the trash truck came and emptied our can. Having no clue what they were hauling off.

October is coming in fast! I don’t know what it is about this past month…but it has seriously flown by. I also don’t know what is going on with the weather down here in the south, but I am here for it!!! We have had two weeks of 70’s during the day without 259385% humidity. A real fall! I saw this week it is going to drop down in the 40s a few nights! I cant wait to smell that crisp fall air!

Thursday was rough. Zoe and I had a bad evening. You guys, they don’t tell you when you are going to be a mom, that your 3 year old will tell you that she doesn’t like you. My bad for asking her for the 5th time to clean up her mess. It ended up blowing into this huge meltdown. The meltdown was me.

So Friday morning started with Chick Fil A!

After work Friday night, we ordered Papa Sal’s for curbside pickup. Chris and I have been ordering from them for years, and we had never ordered a pizza. We always get pasta and salads. We ordered a pizza for Zoe figuring we would try some, it was pretty darn good! Zoe loved it too. We also got jalapeno chicken balls, cheese sticks, cheesy bread, I got ravioli, Chris did chicken parm.

I started reading The Night Swim Saturday morning before Chris and Zoe got up. Usually I wake up early Saturday and Sundays and work until she is up, but I decided to truly take this weekend off. It was magical.

Highly recommend adding a little pumpkin pie spice to your coffee this time of year! I just frothed a little heavy cream and sprinkled it on top my usual coffee. SO GOOD.

I had told Zoe Friday night that we were having a football party the next day. She popped out of bed and selected one of her Alabama dresses and ribbon and said, “Mommy I can take football pictures!” Yes, please!!!

We made breakfast after that, we headed outside to play for a bit. Zoe wanted to go for our Saturday car ride, and Chris was working on some stuff in the basement….so just the two of us went. We dropped off Zoe’s friend’s birthday gift, and Zoe always asks that we drive by Chris’s parents house on our way back. His mom was outside, so we stopped by for a bit and hung outside. Zoe had so much fun.

When we got back, it was time to make snacks for football!!!! It almost felt like a normal Saturday with the dips going and football on all day in the background. A Bama win is always good too! Zoe and I played several rounds of Fancy Nancy’s Posh Bedroom game.

We hung around the house Sunday morning, took another car ride around town, ate lunch out on our deck and watched movies. We ordered The Palace for dinner.

I stayed up way too late finishing my book. It was so good! I joined a virtual book club, and I am excited for our first meeting to discuss it. I like having an access to buy physical copies of a book! Usually I do ebooks, library ebooks or audiobooks. I have decided when I am done with them, I will pass them to my mom who also loves to read.

I hope you all had a fabulous weekend, and that the weather is enjoyable where you are!

Happy Friday! I can’t believe that we are going into the last weekend of September! It is insane!

Did you know that Drew Barrymore has her own talk show now??? I discovered it on YouTube actually, and have been watching her different interviews. It is a fantastic watch! One of her guests was Paris Hilton. I didn’t realize how hard Paris’s life was. After watching the interview, I went and watched her documentary. I cant imagine “playing a part” your entire life and everything that she must have went through. Solid watch, highly recommend.

Favorite Moment: The weather this week has been amazing. Cool in the mornings, only getting into the low 70’s during the day. It was rainy and fall looking all day yesterday. Zoe and I have definitely been taking advantage! We spent so much time outside playing, taking walks, just sitting on the deck. Zoe got to jump in her puddle yesterday too.

We had our fall party on Tuesday to welcome the new season. I got Zoe four Halloween books that have been on repeat since. They are all really good, fairly inexpensive and I highly recommend picking up a few! We got Room on a Broom, Fancy Nancy Halloween or Bust, Frozen Ghost Hunt and Happy Halloween Stinky Face. I started a kids’s list and adult list on bookshop.org where I will be sharing links to books I talk about. It is in affiliate link for me, but also, supports small bookstores.

I also took some pictures of her outside with our pumpkins. I hate that she wont be getting any school pictures done this fall, so I am going to make it a point to get a few good posed ones of her.

Favorite Purchase: I am obsessed with how soft my Aerie Offline leggings are. I am not one to buy printed bottoms, but I highly recommend these. They are thick thigh friendly and butter soft. I pretty much want one of each one now! I am also a fan of the boyfriend tshirts. They are really soft and very over-sized. Definitely order one size down. I could have gone down two sizes if I wanted to! They are 30% off right now!

Favorite Recipe: How amazing does this buffalo chicken salad look? I really am over meal planning and cooking. I need my motivation back to find some new recipes because stuff has been on repeat too much over here! What is your favorite thing right now?

Favorite Funnies:

Happy Fall!!! These next few months are my favorite. Cooler weather, football, smores, jewel toned colors, sweatshirts and leggings, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Zoe’s Birthday, Christmas. Just give it all to me!

A running theme of the pandemic for us is celebrating anything and everything we can. Sunglasses party! Rapunzel Party! Cookie Party! Well, a few weeks ago I decided to have a Fall Party! I ordered a few halloween/fall themed books from Target and set them aside for today. When Zoe wakes up, she will see the decorated table in the kitchen, and we will have some pumpkin rolls for breakfast!

This past weekend, we had some gorgeous fall weather!!!! It was in the 50’s in the morning, and never got above the low 70’s during the day with little humidity. That is the perfect weather for me. We spent a lot of time outside soaking it all up!

Zoe and I met up with my mom on Saturday for a little social distanced visit in a parking lot. This is the first time we have seen her since July, so it was really nice to see her in person. She brought candy corn for Zoe, and had picked up a really pretty blue sweatshirt for me that I couldn’t order online. I pretty much cried the entire way home, because honestly, I just wanted to hug her. I hate that we live in a world where we cant give our own mother a hug right now. But I am grateful for the time we got to see her and Zoe has mentioned her several times since, so I know that makes her feel good.

On our way home, we picked up BBQ from one of our favorite local places and spent the rest of the day building towers out of blocks and playing outside.

We had tomato soup and grilled cheese for dinner. Such a classic, and always my favorite. Zoe was a huge fan.

Sunday morning we got the floors cleaned and hung around the house. We ordered curbside pickup for lunch at a new to us restaurant called The Farmhouse. We got fried pickles, loaded fries, burgers and smoked gouda mac n cheese. It was delicious! I think my favorite was their fried pickles. I definitely want to eat there in person when we feel comfortable dining in. Their steaks look incredible!

Sunday afternoon we pretty much lived outside.We played soccer, took a walk, Zoe drove around in her Minnie car, bounced on her unicorn, played in her playhouse, it was just so pretty!

What is your favorite season?

Happy Friday, Friends! It has been such a week you guys. Work got a little crazy, seeing all the pictures coming in from Gulf Shores after hurricane Sally came through is heartbreaking, and you know…normal pandemic things. We actually didn’t get as much rain as they were predicting for our area. Sally stayed south of us, and it only rained here Wednesday. Zoe was disappointed that her water puddle went away before she could play in it.

Favorite Surprise: My sister dropped by yesterday morning with brownies from Chick Fila and a unicorn bouncer for Zoe. Zoe literally carried this thing around everywhere yesterday, inside and out. She got it from Aldi. It is actually really cute, you are supposed to sit and bounce on it. It holds up to 220 pounds, so even I sat on it for a minute yesterday. Zoe is pretty serious about it, she even had to kiss it goodnight at bedtime last night, and was upset I told her that it couldn’t sleep in the bed with her.

Favorite Happy Mail: My FabFitFun box arrived this week! It was a nice little happy on a particularly busy work day. Zoe sat down with me when I opened it and was just as excited as I was. She kept saying, “Mommy do you like the present I got you??” Hahaha. Nice try, kid. Sign up here and get $10 off! (Full disclosure, I get a credit to my account to. I pay for the seasonal boxes myself, this is not sponsored in any way.) My box was worth $448.50 this time. I am most excited to try out the Foxybae Curling Wand and wear my SOIA & KYO Scarfigan. And OMG!!! The Daniel Stone Santal Noir room spray smells incredible!!!! It is a little steep full price, but man. So good! (I found a candle with the same scent here.) Zoe keeps asking me to spray it in my office while I am working.

How fun is this scarfigan though?? It feels like a blanket, and is the perfect thing to grab on a chilly night. I plan to keep it in my office for those days I get a chill. I really love the colors, and it is such a versatile piece. My other items I received were the Jenny Bird Austin Cuff, Anastasia Brow Gel, 8 Other Reasons Runway Clips, The Beauty Crop Glow Milk in Blind Date (super pretty liquid highlight!!!) and Voesh Pedicure In a Box in Pumpkin Spice, (there are 2 full sets of a soak, scrub, mask and butter.) If you got the box, what did you get?

Favorite Activity: Zoe and I collected some leaves this week to make a craft with. We talked about how they change colors and fall off the trees in the fall. I am hoping we can take a drive through the mountain during peek leaf season and maybe she can see it for herself past our backyard. We took her crayola paints and painted the leaves and used them as stencils on paper. It was quick and easy, and she had a lot of fun.

Favorite Purchase: A few weeks ago I was really fed up with my hair. Honestly, I still am. It is beyond need of cutting!!!!! I have super thin hair, and when it gets this long, it gets really stringy and dry on the ends. I have been a fan of WetBrush for years, but honestly….the little round ends of the bristles pull my hair and it hurts! And ends up breaking more than helping. When Tangle Teaser first came out, I got one! But it didn’t have a handle, and it sort of made my hand cramp using it. Well, now they make them with handles!!! You guys, you have to get this! It is so much easier to clean than the Wet Brush and it doesn’t pull or break my hair at all. Highly recommend for kids too!

Favorite Stretch : I don’t know about melting away anxiety, but this first yoga pose really helps my back and hips.

Favorite Funnies: