confessions

–Yesterday I sat down to write a post and was like ummm……So I decided to just call it a day off! It gave me a chance to catch up on email and read all of your posts 🙂 #fuckit

–The amount of time I spend looking for awesome ecards each week for Wednesdays and Fridays is probably shameful. #noshame

–My five year old nephew says the funniest shit. My mom went up to see him after his surgery and she brought him balloons. He says “Ummm, where is my cake and flowers?!?!” My mom was like “What do you mean cake and flowers?” He said, “I was in the hospital and have boo boos, you should have brought cake and flowers with these balloons.” My mom said, “Aren’t flowers kind of girly?” Cooper said, “Flowers are beautiful and I was sick….” #kidssaythedarndestthings

–This time of year is always weird for me. I am so ready to wear all the pretty fall clothes but am torn because it is too damn hot to do such! The thought of jeans and boots right now makes me twitch. Yet, I feel like a weirdo wearing my sandals and summer dresses until October. #alabamaweather

–I am already starting to have anxiety about having to fly for a work trip in a few weeks. The fear is real you guys. So real! #ihateflying

–I walked around Z Gallery on Friday during my lunch break and have decided that I basically just want to move in to the store. Why do they have to make everything look so pretty and perfect?!?!? I was hoping to get some ideas for how I want to finally decorate our house and now I am more confused than ever. I can’t even decide on a look, yet alone colors and actual items. Meanwhile, we are on year 3 of bare walls for my lack of decision making abilities. #givemealltheprettythings

–Today was leg day. I love to hate leg day. Leg work is hard stuff and I love the burn the next day. You know the one, where you are left waddling around. That is when you know you had a good work out! #waddlelikeapenguin

Confessions in ecard

Happens every time…

Happy Hump Day everyone!!! We are half way through this week and I for one am ready for Friday and the holiday weekend!!!

–I got all excited and ordered a few items that I needed last week online. This week I realized why I don’t usually order stuff online. I have ZERO patience to wait for it to get to my house!!! #nopatience

And really I just want to be like….

(If you can’t read lips, he is saying “mail!!!”)

–Two of my coworkers and I are out in cube land and we cannot stand how loud some of the people are in our building. I mean these are grown ass adults that should know what an inside voice is. I can’t even think or focus when they are talking. If I am on my phone, I can barely hear the people on the other end. There are days I literally want to pop over of my cube and be like…

They leave their speaker phones on really loud too and one of my coworkers has literally gotten up and slammed their office door shut multiple times and they don’t get the hint. I mean how do you even handle a situation like that??? They don’t work for my company so it’s not like our boss can send out a friendly email reminder or anything, you know?? #STFU #ihatepeople

–I still really don’t understand Snapchat. Does someone want to explain it to me like I am the dumbest person on the planet? I was watching some of your stories and I think they are cool but how do you do it? Are you a wizard? Are the snaps going out to everyone on your list? Is snaps what it is called?  #oldladystatus

–Last night I realized that I missed Jenna and Julien’s new podcast for this week because I had been listening to an audiobook. Well it is part three of conspiracy theories and I got really excited! I love listening to that stuff. Some of it sounds totally far fetched and crazy, and other stuff makes complete sense and sounds totally legit. #aliens

–I’m eating a box of Cracker Jacks as I type this. Don’t judge. #youknowyoulovethem

–Is it just me, or does blogland seem a bit sparse lately? I was done reading posts super early yesterday and I almost thought for a minute that maybe Bloglovin was down again or something but it doesn’t seem so?

Confessions in ecard:

My entire life I am like…

–This past weekend Chris asked me what that book and tv show about bears was when we were little. I replied with Berenstein Bears? He was like yeah, that’s it! How do you spell it, I want to show you something on YouTube. I started spelling it out for him b-e-r-e-n-s-t-e-i-n.

When he pulled it up, there were several videos about how it is actually Berenstain not Berenstein. Video after video we watched and I could almost swear on my life that it was Berenstein. Now, I am questioning everything. Literally everything that I have ever believed. Please, someone else agree with me that it was with an E not an A?!?!?!?!

Google that shit. It will blow your mind.

–Last week at the grocery store, I chose food based on the “best buy” date because it was my birth date. No shame in my game.

–I bruised my ankle with a five pound weight. You would think that I just dropped it right? No. Not even a little. You see, the light went out in our guest bedroom and I jumped up on the bed to change the light bulb. I keep my free weights up there and I was too lazy to move them. Well, apparently when I stepped up my weight shifted the crappy mattress in there and the weight came rolling on to my ankle. WTF? I wish I had cool scar and bruise stories, but I dont.

–In fact, I have this super deep scar along my knee. A few people asked me if it was surgery scar in the past. I always reply with nope I am a badass and got in a fight with a metal clock when I worked at Kirkland’s. That’s right folks, I had a metal clock go through my knee after loosing my balance on a step ladder.

–If that isn’t testimony enough of my badassery, one Sunday while working at Kirklands I was on a 12 foot ladder getting some lamp shades down from a top shelf for a customer. Someone didn’t have the ladder locked in place like it was supposed to be and when I got all the way to the top and reached out, the ladder went out from under me and I fell through dozens of glass framed art work on my way down. It was only I and one other girl working at the time and we were super busy. I went out and started checking people out at the cashwrap with a torn shirt and bloodstains on my back. Fun times. Fun times. Gotta love the college years when you can bounce back from anything, am I right?? One fall on the bathroom tile these days and I am limping around for weeks and practically need a walker.

Confessions in ecard

Dealing with some government offices and the general population just needs to be vented about, am I right?

–Sometimes in real life, you have a meeting on a Tuesday night after work and you decide what the hell, I am going to have three toasted raviolis while I am here. And a Woodchuck Blueberry Cider. #isbutteracarb

–Then sometimes in real life, your husband suggests you stop by World of Beer on the walk back to your car because it is a nice night out, you see your favorite bar tender, and you just want to chill and pretend that you aren’t a responsible adult. #ifeellikeim22

–Sometimes life rewards your irresponsible self with a Strawgator on draught because #YOLO!!!!

–Sometimes you figure, well you accidentally forgot that corn is on the list of things you aren’t supposed to be having but you had already added it to your edamame quinoa salad for lunch, so you figure you aren’t really being grain free this week anyways and you give zero fucks about it. #FTW

–And then the next morning you wake up, and put your adult pants on. You have a serious leg day work out and complete day 3 of your yoga challenge while texting your sweaty work out selfie to your “ahole bro” work out group. You mention nothing of your toasted ravioli and beer excursion because they are going to read it on your blog anyways. #brosforlife #dropitlikeasquat

And that my friends, is real life!

Confessions in ecard

Have a fabulous day!!!