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Well hey there Tuesday! I wish that three days of the work week would go by as quickly as three day weekends! Let’s get to it, shall we?

Friday – It was game day eve, so I had to represent. My thoughtful mother picked up the houndstooth elephant necklace and bracelet for me last year and they quickly became my favorite go to game day pieces!

I stopped by Whole Foods for lunch Friday because their brown rice sushi is my favorite! I got the salmon/avocado and tuna/avocado combo. It was delicious!

I was really hoping that we were going to be able to close early on Friday, but no such luck. When I got home, I was tired. It had been a long week! I read some, made chili nachos and we watched TV.

Saturday – I woke up Saturday morning and did my cardio work out. Part of my fitness goals for September is to start working out six days per week. (Normally I do five.) After my work out, I deep cleaned the kitchen and got ready for game day! We headed to a friends house to catch some of the games. Alabama wasn’t looking so good on Saturday and it caused me to drink a beer within the first five minutes of the game. Raceway in Trussville had my Ace Pineapple Cider and I was so excited! It was freaking delicious!

We decided to head home during half time. Luckily we pulled a W. Even if it wasn’t pretty. I also watched the Georgia vs Clemson game and my Dawgs were looking GREAT second quarter!

Sunday – I woke up and cleaned the rest of the house. I started to put our new shelves together, but after spending quite some time un-boxing them and laying out all the pieces…I discovered the very bottom piece was broken. $%*&*$%*$%*$&%)(@# After lots of bad words, we decided to take the shelves back to Target and look for some replacements elsewhere. Target, I love you….but you really pissed me off with this one!

We were also searching for a desk for Chris’s DJ stuff. So after hitting up several stores, someone on Facebook told him they were selling exactly what he was looking for! Yes!!! So we met up with her, then headed to Chris’s parents house for dinner. They fixed grilled shrimp skewers with pineapples and bacon, pork fingers and some sides. It was delicious!

Monday – I woke up and started Phase 2 of Body Revolution. After that, I made breakfast for us then headed out to cut the grass. I spent over two hours (we have a push mower) out in that hot heat cutting away. I was drenched when I came in, and have blisters larger than quarters on both hands. OUCH! I even wore gloves, but apparently they were worthless. I need to find some with padding or something. Any suggestions?

I got ready, and Chris and I headed out to run some errands and grocery shop. He had the most brilliant idea to stop at Sonic for a snack before we got started. Yes, please!! I think I deserved this butterfinger blast, dammit!

When we got home, it was time to build some shelves! They turned out great!! We ran out of space though and still have more games to find a home for! These are the retro system games we keep downstairs, from Atari and regular Nintendo up to Wii, Xbox 360 and PS3. The new systems and games are kept upstairs.

After all that work, it was time for some dinner and relaxation! We watched some old Modern Family reruns and called it a night!

I am participating in my two favorite Stephanie(s) monthly goal link up!  Each month they will have a focus and you pick what your goals are going to be. The focus this month is on fitness, which is perfect for me because it is time to step up my game! My goals for the month will be:

1. Work out six days per week (adding an extra work out from my normal five)

2. Start logging food into Myfitnesspal, again. (Even thought it sucks the life out of me and I hate it.)

3. Purchase the next set up of weights. It is that time!

4. Really watch portion control.

5. Get that scale to finally budge!!!!

Well I think that we can all agree that our favorite thing about this Friday is that we have a three day weekend!!!!! Also, here is to hoping that the office closes a little early today. Am I right?!

Favorite Song: In the spirit of football, Zombie Nation! Be prepared to hear it about a zillion times in the next few months! I love it!

Favorite New Item – Laura got me the “polite as fuck” shirt off my birthday wish list! She brought it to our meet up last week and I was super excited. Chris was all, “Where are you going to wear it?” when I sent him the link for it awhile back. My answer? EVERYWHERE!

Favorite Surprise: Chris brought me home a diet Cherry Limeade from Sonic on Tuesday night. He even had it chilling in the fridge for me when I got home! It is the little things like this that make my week!

Favorite Work Out – Work out 4 of the Jillian Michael’s body revolution. Work out 3 and 4 are done in weeks three and four of the program. Work out 4 kicked my A.S.S. both times last week. I wanted to die at one point. This past Tuesday? I made that work out my bitch! Bring it Jillian!

Favorite meal – It was a simple salad, oddly. I don’t know what it was about the salad I made Monday night….but it was delicious!!! I chopped up some fresh romaine lettuce, and added some mozzarella cheese, Texas Toast croutons, northern beans and sprinkled a little Greek vinaigrette dressing on it. Nothing fancy, totally delicious! I recreated it for Wednesday night as well and it was just as delicious. Except I used grated Parmesan cheese for less calories.

Favorite Magazine: When I was younger, my mom always would pick up the huge fall issues of Vogue and Seventeen and we would page through them checking out all the fall fashion. I loved it! So when mine came in the mail this week, I had to text a picture to my mom!

Favorite Livvy Picture: Someone was shocked that I found her super secret hiding place. Under the kitchen table. She also was shocked to find out that I can still see her when she crouches down and she is in fact not invisible. Side note, I think we picked a defective one.

Look at those tilted back ears! LOL!!!!

Favorite Funnies: It isn’t Friday without getting your laugh on!

Annnnnnnd in the spirit of football season, to my Auburn friends….you know I love you!

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!!! I know mine will be spent watching countless football games. It started last night with Texas A&M and South Carolina. Roll Tide!

Isn’t it crazy how when you have something on your mind then all of a sudden, it’s everywhere? When I signed in to Bloglovin’ yesterday morning, I was preparing myself for the usual hilarious confessional posts, and I got some of those. What I wasn’t prepared for were several posts on people who are struggling with their weight or self image. People whom I would never have even thought had that problem at all.

You see, I have had this post set up in my drafts for quite some time, never really wanting to hit the publish button. It dawned on me while reading other posts yesterday that we are all hard on ourselves.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I get angry. Or sad. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. It has never been easy for me to stay fit. We can blame it on bad genes, past illnesses or temporary physical disabilities but at the end of the day it is what it is. Most of my adult life I have been “overweight” according to medical charts. There was a time that I was bordering “obese.” Sometimes when I look in the mirror I see normal Nadine, but sometimes I see someone who looks like she is 300 pounds. I have never been anywhere even near 300 pounds, but that is what I see. It is so distorted and so messed up.

I struggle with wanting to be healthy and wanting to be skinny. You see, I used to want to just be skinny and I didn’t care how I got there. Stupid fad diets, meal skipping, working out twice a day, it didn’t matter. I just wanted to be skinny. I thought if I weighed less or wore a smaller size it would make me happy. I don’t think that way anymore. I don’t care about being “skinny” I just want to be healthy and happy in my own skin. To not hate what I see in the mirror every day.

Last summer I had a work out revelation. I quit making excuses and  I realized I just needed to start doing something. So I did. I started with the 30 Day Shred then I went to RIPPED in 30. Once I got bored with those I moved on to other things. Yes, I have complete dedication to my 4:30 am work out date with myself Monday through Friday. Hell, I don’t even hate it anymore, and I sort of treat it as my me time. The time that I take to do something completely for myself. (Get out of my head Jillian.)

The thing is, no matter how hard I work out Monday through Friday…it isn’t enough. I know that abs are made in the damn kitchen. Oh how I hate it! I have been pretty good over the last year or so about eating healthy during the week. Sure I have some slip ups here and there, but for the most part I do pretty damn good. The thing is, sometimes I might have a snack or a few bites or a taste of something as I am cooking and not really count it.

And on the weekends? You guys see my weekend posts. Hello, food porn!

I am always going to struggle with food. I have learned that I have to give myself a cheat meal or two on the weekends because I want to live and enjoy my life. I don’t ever want to go on a binge because I restrained myself too far. What I need to remember is that I allow myself to do those cheat meals, so I need to cut out the small bites of stuff here and there that I don’t count.

I have used my fitness pal in the past, but let’s be honest….I never really keep up with it for very long before I get lazy or the food I had isn’t in there and I don’t want to go enter in all the ingredients or what not. I hate tracking every bite that goes in my mouth and it just sucks the life out of me. Plus, there is a fine line that I can cross into obsessed about it and that isn’t healthy.

My point to all this rambling is that I feel with all the fat shaming, skinny shaming, and focus on all the pictures in magazines that are photoshopped and completely fake….we all tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves. Or at least, I know I do. I see a totally cute outfit and I think…well if I lost weight I would wear that but right now it would look stupid on me.

Why is it so hard for me to just embrace what I have? Why do I hide myself behind cardigans and jean jackets most days? Why do I feel….Ashamed. Defeated. Self loathing.

I try to convince myself that I shouldn’t feel this way. That I shouldn’t be afraid to hang out at the pool with people because I don’t want to be in a swim suit. That I shouldn’t stress before going out anywhere about what I am going to wear because I think I look horrible in every single thing that I own.

I try to remember when I first started obsessing over all of this. I want to pin point it back to a time in middle school when a boy I thought was cute told me I had “thick legs and a big butt.” Or maybe it was when I saw the competitive cheerleaders spray painting abs on themselves before we went out to compete.

I wanted to share my post today after seeing others coming clean about how they feel inside because I felt it was so therapeutic to see that I am not the only one that is this hard on myself. Every single person that wrote yesterday is absolutely beautiful and for a moment I wanted to be like pshhhh you have no clue what the hell you are talking about. But I get it. We can all have distorted views of ourselves. Sometimes it just helps to let it out so that you can deal with it. I am going to continue working out and trying to eat the best that I can because I want to feel good on the inside. I want to be healthy. I just have to remember that healthy comes in all shapes and sizes.

Oh, hey Wednesday! We all know by know that Wednesdays are confession days around these parts. I have a few things to get off my chest.

–After learning that my company is having a retreat this fall, all I can think about is how I am going to have to get on a plane and fly there. Hello panic attacks. Shit!

–I made chili this week for dinner. Yes it is over 100 degrees outside. No, I don’t care. I miss soups! And my wishful thinking has me saying maybe if I eat something meant for cooler temperatures it will magically be cooler.

–I haven’t watched last nights summer finale of PLL yet, but I couldn’t stop laughing when Chris sent me this meme he made yesterday. The title was fAtal and apparently someone is to die. I have my suspicions about who. I also have my suspicions about who A really is too, but I am sure they will drag that answer out for another season or two.

–With the first kick off of the season this Saturday, I basically know what I am doing every weekend until like Thanksgiving.

Confessions in ecards:

basically what I look like every day:

Anyone else feel me on this? That is why I stick to 3-4 beers max in a span of several hours!

Boom, bitches!

seriously fear for the future of our country!

Can I get an Amen?

Dude, I really do!

Otherwise, I have a great Italian hand gesture for you!

But really, why does this always happen to me?

If you can’t take a joke, then don’t be one

…you couldn’t fail?

Fear of failure is a real struggle. I mean, no one wants to fail, am I right?!?! I think about all the things I used to dream about doing. Then I think about all the reasons why I think it will never happen.

–Own my own boutique. This has been a dream of mine for a long time. I would love to own my own boutique that carries a variety of clothing for women ages 25-55.. I know that sounds like a wide range, but honestly…it is so hard for the late twenty something and up to find clothes that are age appropriate and of great quality. We are “too old” to shop in the teenage stores and yet we don’t want to look like a frumpy grandmother either. I would carry a variety of sizes to fit every body type.

–Design my own clothing line. This plays into above, but ever since I was younger I would always look at clothes in stores and say things like “this would be perfect if it had this” or “if this had this instead.” Basically, I want to just design things that are pretty.

–Interior Design. When I was in HS, my very first job was at Kirkland’s. I loved everything about home interior. I love helping people pick out pictures, lamps and accessories for their homes. I had a stream of regular clients that would bring in photos of their rooms and ask me to pick stuff out for them. It was so wonderful!!! I so badly wanted to major in design in college, but my dad kindly reminded me that I can’t draw worth a flip and that put a damper on things.

Basically, all of these things add up to the fact that one day, I would like to own my own business of some kind. Be my own boss and do all the things I have dreamed of doing. There is this thing called money, and I need to make a steady income. Also, all of these things cost money to start up. Money I don’t have.

I tell other people all the time to not think about what could go wrong, but think of all the things that could go right. Why can’t I take my own advice?

What would you be doing if you were not afraid to fail? If something was holding you back from achieving your dreams?