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If you knew me in high school, then you would know:

–I lived in my own little bubble and had no clue how bad the kids I went to school with really were. I was too busy getting good grades, watching movies with friends, and shopping with my mom. Apparently everyone else was out getting drunk, sneaking out, having sex and experimenting with drugs. I had no desire to do any of those things.

–I played the flute and did symphony and marching band all four years. I was also in pep band for two years. Where my band nerds? I know you are out there!

–We moved from Missouri to Georgia in the middle of my sophomore year of high school. My first day at my new school? Pre-SAT day. Thanks, parents! That wasn’t stressful or anything!!!!!

–I didn’t go to any high school dances, that includes prom.

–I never had a boyfriend in high school.

–I crushed on Justin Timberlake, Lance Bass, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Totally in my league, right?

–I worked at Kirkland’s at Mall of Georgia my senior year. I kept that job all through college, and even a year after I graduated college on the weekends.

–I hardly wore any make up, just some mascara and maybe purple eye shadow if I was feeling fancy. My skin was freaking flawless. I wish it was still like that!

–I got very sick spring semester my sophomore year. I came down with pneumonia and missed A LOT of school. I was constantly in and out of the hospital and there was a point where I stopped breathing.

–I was on the newspaper and year book staff up until we moved to Georgia.

–I lost one of my very best friends to suicide.

–My favorite color was purple. My bedroom was even painted a dark purple.

–I was in Spanish club for the free tacos and queso at every meeting because it looked good on my application to college. 

–I drove a bright red 1993 Jeep Cherokee. It was the shit!

–I was in a horrible accident my senior year over spring break. I totaled my mom’s brand new blazer, you can read about it here.

–Ludacris, Nelly, Good Charlotte, Britney Spears and NSYNC were always blasting in my car or bedroom.

–I graduated with a high GPA and HOPE Scholarship.

–My dad called me Dino (like the dinosaur in the Flinstones) and some of my friends (mostly band friends and my boss at Kirklands) called me Nay-Nay.

–My graduation ceremony lasted forever! My graduating class was the biggest one on the east side of the Mississippi that year.

–I chose UWG (University of West Georgia) because my friend Shelley asked me where I was going at lunch one day. When I told her I wasn’t sure, she suggested I apply and if I got in we could be roommates. Sold. It was the only college I applied to.

And that was a little glimpse of Nadine in high school. Class of 2001. Who were you in high school?

Linking up with one of my fellow Birmingham blogging homies, Morgan!

We all have those things that we are really good at. Then we have those things we are not so good at. You know what I am talking about! Here are some things I am not good at:

–Making a decision about what to do or where to eat. I am an indecisive person first of all, so actually deciding on somewhere can be quite difficult. If I actually do suggest some places to eat or things to do, and you don’t want to do it, then why did you ask me to pick? You obviously had something in mind! That drives me crazy too! So I don’t like to decide, I am a go with the flow type of girl.

–I can’t draw. My drawings never advanced past stick figures. Even my stick figures are average at best.

–I am not good at making bows. I never learned how to tie my shows the way 90% of people do. I wasn’t picking up on the over, under around the tree shit…so I learned how to tie making two bunny ears and looping those around. Bows don’t look so cute when done with bunny ears.

–I am not good at confrontation. I freaking hate confrontation. I would rather just not say anything at all and suffer silently than confront someone about something. Unless they are so very wrong that I can’t stand it. Then I might explode.

–Kissing ass. I am not an ass kisser. I never have been, and I never will be. In school, teachers liked me because I was quiet, behaved and got good grades, not because I sucked up. At work people like me because I do my job, not because I am busy brown nosing it with the big people.

–Poker face. I can bite my tongue, but the people that know me best know what I am thinking because it is written all over my face. My mom and sister are the same way, must be hereditary!

–Geometry – I was a freaking math wiz in school, but the shapes? Fuck the shapes.

–Blood and first aid – I could never be a nurse. I get squeamish at my owns cuts and stuff. I have to give myself shots twice a month for a serious deficiency that I have and it is a freaking miracle that I can actually do it now. The site of needles before would make me weak in the knees. My dad was a paradmedic when I was younger and both he and my sister are on fire rescue squads now, so obviously that did not pass down!

Is there something you are not good at?

Confessions in ecards:

How I feel some days when people are acting crazy, or I am at Walmart:

People don’t understand my struggles:

This is so me, I am always digging myself in a hole:

I am guilty of being ready for cooler temps and already having all the pumpkin coffees and beers:

Basically:

I don’t think I could ever forget to eat. Ever.

Sometimes I might wish bad karma on people who are shitty. It’s true.

How I feel when I am out late:

This is probably true:

Go confess with Kathy!

Well hey there Tuesday! I wish that three days of the work week would go by as quickly as three day weekends! Let’s get to it, shall we?

Friday – It was game day eve, so I had to represent. My thoughtful mother picked up the houndstooth elephant necklace and bracelet for me last year and they quickly became my favorite go to game day pieces!

I stopped by Whole Foods for lunch Friday because their brown rice sushi is my favorite! I got the salmon/avocado and tuna/avocado combo. It was delicious!

I was really hoping that we were going to be able to close early on Friday, but no such luck. When I got home, I was tired. It had been a long week! I read some, made chili nachos and we watched TV.

Saturday – I woke up Saturday morning and did my cardio work out. Part of my fitness goals for September is to start working out six days per week. (Normally I do five.) After my work out, I deep cleaned the kitchen and got ready for game day! We headed to a friends house to catch some of the games. Alabama wasn’t looking so good on Saturday and it caused me to drink a beer within the first five minutes of the game. Raceway in Trussville had my Ace Pineapple Cider and I was so excited! It was freaking delicious!

We decided to head home during half time. Luckily we pulled a W. Even if it wasn’t pretty. I also watched the Georgia vs Clemson game and my Dawgs were looking GREAT second quarter!

Sunday – I woke up and cleaned the rest of the house. I started to put our new shelves together, but after spending quite some time un-boxing them and laying out all the pieces…I discovered the very bottom piece was broken. $%*&*$%*$%*$&%)(@# After lots of bad words, we decided to take the shelves back to Target and look for some replacements elsewhere. Target, I love you….but you really pissed me off with this one!

We were also searching for a desk for Chris’s DJ stuff. So after hitting up several stores, someone on Facebook told him they were selling exactly what he was looking for! Yes!!! So we met up with her, then headed to Chris’s parents house for dinner. They fixed grilled shrimp skewers with pineapples and bacon, pork fingers and some sides. It was delicious!

Monday – I woke up and started Phase 2 of Body Revolution. After that, I made breakfast for us then headed out to cut the grass. I spent over two hours (we have a push mower) out in that hot heat cutting away. I was drenched when I came in, and have blisters larger than quarters on both hands. OUCH! I even wore gloves, but apparently they were worthless. I need to find some with padding or something. Any suggestions?

I got ready, and Chris and I headed out to run some errands and grocery shop. He had the most brilliant idea to stop at Sonic for a snack before we got started. Yes, please!! I think I deserved this butterfinger blast, dammit!

When we got home, it was time to build some shelves! They turned out great!! We ran out of space though and still have more games to find a home for! These are the retro system games we keep downstairs, from Atari and regular Nintendo up to Wii, Xbox 360 and PS3. The new systems and games are kept upstairs.

After all that work, it was time for some dinner and relaxation! We watched some old Modern Family reruns and called it a night!

I am participating in my two favorite Stephanie(s) monthly goal link up!  Each month they will have a focus and you pick what your goals are going to be. The focus this month is on fitness, which is perfect for me because it is time to step up my game! My goals for the month will be:

1. Work out six days per week (adding an extra work out from my normal five)

2. Start logging food into Myfitnesspal, again. (Even thought it sucks the life out of me and I hate it.)

3. Purchase the next set up of weights. It is that time!

4. Really watch portion control.

5. Get that scale to finally budge!!!!

Well I think that we can all agree that our favorite thing about this Friday is that we have a three day weekend!!!!! Also, here is to hoping that the office closes a little early today. Am I right?!

Favorite Song: In the spirit of football, Zombie Nation! Be prepared to hear it about a zillion times in the next few months! I love it!

Favorite New Item – Laura got me the “polite as fuck” shirt off my birthday wish list! She brought it to our meet up last week and I was super excited. Chris was all, “Where are you going to wear it?” when I sent him the link for it awhile back. My answer? EVERYWHERE!

Favorite Surprise: Chris brought me home a diet Cherry Limeade from Sonic on Tuesday night. He even had it chilling in the fridge for me when I got home! It is the little things like this that make my week!

Favorite Work Out – Work out 4 of the Jillian Michael’s body revolution. Work out 3 and 4 are done in weeks three and four of the program. Work out 4 kicked my A.S.S. both times last week. I wanted to die at one point. This past Tuesday? I made that work out my bitch! Bring it Jillian!

Favorite meal – It was a simple salad, oddly. I don’t know what it was about the salad I made Monday night….but it was delicious!!! I chopped up some fresh romaine lettuce, and added some mozzarella cheese, Texas Toast croutons, northern beans and sprinkled a little Greek vinaigrette dressing on it. Nothing fancy, totally delicious! I recreated it for Wednesday night as well and it was just as delicious. Except I used grated Parmesan cheese for less calories.

Favorite Magazine: When I was younger, my mom always would pick up the huge fall issues of Vogue and Seventeen and we would page through them checking out all the fall fashion. I loved it! So when mine came in the mail this week, I had to text a picture to my mom!

Favorite Livvy Picture: Someone was shocked that I found her super secret hiding place. Under the kitchen table. She also was shocked to find out that I can still see her when she crouches down and she is in fact not invisible. Side note, I think we picked a defective one.

Look at those tilted back ears! LOL!!!!

Favorite Funnies: It isn’t Friday without getting your laugh on!

Annnnnnnd in the spirit of football season, to my Auburn friends….you know I love you!

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!!! I know mine will be spent watching countless football games. It started last night with Texas A&M and South Carolina. Roll Tide!

Isn’t it crazy how when you have something on your mind then all of a sudden, it’s everywhere? When I signed in to Bloglovin’ yesterday morning, I was preparing myself for the usual hilarious confessional posts, and I got some of those. What I wasn’t prepared for were several posts on people who are struggling with their weight or self image. People whom I would never have even thought had that problem at all.

You see, I have had this post set up in my drafts for quite some time, never really wanting to hit the publish button. It dawned on me while reading other posts yesterday that we are all hard on ourselves.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I get angry. Or sad. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. It has never been easy for me to stay fit. We can blame it on bad genes, past illnesses or temporary physical disabilities but at the end of the day it is what it is. Most of my adult life I have been “overweight” according to medical charts. There was a time that I was bordering “obese.” Sometimes when I look in the mirror I see normal Nadine, but sometimes I see someone who looks like she is 300 pounds. I have never been anywhere even near 300 pounds, but that is what I see. It is so distorted and so messed up.

I struggle with wanting to be healthy and wanting to be skinny. You see, I used to want to just be skinny and I didn’t care how I got there. Stupid fad diets, meal skipping, working out twice a day, it didn’t matter. I just wanted to be skinny. I thought if I weighed less or wore a smaller size it would make me happy. I don’t think that way anymore. I don’t care about being “skinny” I just want to be healthy and happy in my own skin. To not hate what I see in the mirror every day.

Last summer I had a work out revelation. I quit making excuses and  I realized I just needed to start doing something. So I did. I started with the 30 Day Shred then I went to RIPPED in 30. Once I got bored with those I moved on to other things. Yes, I have complete dedication to my 4:30 am work out date with myself Monday through Friday. Hell, I don’t even hate it anymore, and I sort of treat it as my me time. The time that I take to do something completely for myself. (Get out of my head Jillian.)

The thing is, no matter how hard I work out Monday through Friday…it isn’t enough. I know that abs are made in the damn kitchen. Oh how I hate it! I have been pretty good over the last year or so about eating healthy during the week. Sure I have some slip ups here and there, but for the most part I do pretty damn good. The thing is, sometimes I might have a snack or a few bites or a taste of something as I am cooking and not really count it.

And on the weekends? You guys see my weekend posts. Hello, food porn!

I am always going to struggle with food. I have learned that I have to give myself a cheat meal or two on the weekends because I want to live and enjoy my life. I don’t ever want to go on a binge because I restrained myself too far. What I need to remember is that I allow myself to do those cheat meals, so I need to cut out the small bites of stuff here and there that I don’t count.

I have used my fitness pal in the past, but let’s be honest….I never really keep up with it for very long before I get lazy or the food I had isn’t in there and I don’t want to go enter in all the ingredients or what not. I hate tracking every bite that goes in my mouth and it just sucks the life out of me. Plus, there is a fine line that I can cross into obsessed about it and that isn’t healthy.

My point to all this rambling is that I feel with all the fat shaming, skinny shaming, and focus on all the pictures in magazines that are photoshopped and completely fake….we all tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves. Or at least, I know I do. I see a totally cute outfit and I think…well if I lost weight I would wear that but right now it would look stupid on me.

Why is it so hard for me to just embrace what I have? Why do I hide myself behind cardigans and jean jackets most days? Why do I feel….Ashamed. Defeated. Self loathing.

I try to convince myself that I shouldn’t feel this way. That I shouldn’t be afraid to hang out at the pool with people because I don’t want to be in a swim suit. That I shouldn’t stress before going out anywhere about what I am going to wear because I think I look horrible in every single thing that I own.

I try to remember when I first started obsessing over all of this. I want to pin point it back to a time in middle school when a boy I thought was cute told me I had “thick legs and a big butt.” Or maybe it was when I saw the competitive cheerleaders spray painting abs on themselves before we went out to compete.

I wanted to share my post today after seeing others coming clean about how they feel inside because I felt it was so therapeutic to see that I am not the only one that is this hard on myself. Every single person that wrote yesterday is absolutely beautiful and for a moment I wanted to be like pshhhh you have no clue what the hell you are talking about. But I get it. We can all have distorted views of ourselves. Sometimes it just helps to let it out so that you can deal with it. I am going to continue working out and trying to eat the best that I can because I want to feel good on the inside. I want to be healthy. I just have to remember that healthy comes in all shapes and sizes.