Sh!t Chris Says

It is time for another installment of Shit Chris Says!!!

Chris: I hate people who react with the sad face on Facebook. Like what does that even do??? Oh look, 41 people are sad about this post. Two people with hearts. Let’s be nice to the hurricane. Let’s reason with it.

There is horrible music that kids are making on TV.

Chris: This new Nickleback song is awesome!!!

I am making all the animal sounds for Zoe. I turn to Chris…

Me: How do you make an elephant noise?

Chris makes his noise

I do mine

Chris: You sound like a dolphin on dialysis

This is an actual post from Chris on Facebook…

Another installment of Shit Chris said!!!!

We are watching a Beauty and the Beast remix video and Chris says…

There’s no doubt about it, we will give this guy a like. Maybe he’s doing a thing where he gets 500 likes and he will finally wash his hair.”

Random comment about someone’s  expression…

That guy looks sad that Blockbuster is gone.

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While playing Mario…

He’s the asshole throwing animals out of the sky. Where’s PETA now?????

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Chris was watching Tomorrowland (music festival) in our basement. He comes upstairs looking defeated…

My sub died. I emailed the guy from Polk Audio “I’m watching Tomorrowland and my sub died. I is sad.”

Me: You literally said “I is sad” in the email?

Chris: Of course.

Funny story, they sent him parts to fix his sub. His email must of pulled at their heart strings.

I was getting dressed for work and trying to find something in my closet that actually fits me.

Me: How do I look?

Chris: Dressy. Do you have an interview today or something?

I am now wondering how I look every other day to make him think this???? LOL

I am making homemade spaghetti sauce on Sunday evening. I have it simmering in the pot while I am in Zoe’s room playing with her. I come out to stir it, and I catch Chris eating it by the spoonful right out of the pot….

Me: Ha!!! Caught you red handed!

Chris: I was just tasting. This is definitely store bought!

Me: Ummmm what the fuck, are you serious right now??

Chris: Huh??

Me: You were standing with me in the aisle when I was getting all the supplies and telling you I was making homemade sauce.

Chris: Oh, well I was confused because it was really good and I was trying to play it down because I thought it was store bought sauce.

Thirty minutes later while we are eating dinner….

Chris: This sauce is really good.

Me: Mmm hmm

He did end up dipping some cheese in it later that night. I guess he liked it? LOL

I haven’t done one of these posts in a few months and boy do I have a lot of material! I think I am going to split it in to two posts, because there are some real gems here!!!!

Chris talking to our Echo…

Chris: Alexa, set the temperature to 70 degrees.

Alexa: Sorry, I don’t know that device.

Chris: Alexa. turn the air to 70.

Alexa: I don’t know that command.

Chris: I don’t know what she’s doing right now, but I don’t like it. 

Our little town is supposed to be getting a brewery soon, and we are super stoked!!! We were talking about it and Chris says…

I don’t know why people are trying to fight the brewery. I rarely see drunk people at breweries. The only drunk person I see is the one in the mirror.

We  found out that Chris’s friend’s girlfriend accepted a job and will be moving to Pennsylvania. (My home state for those of you that don’t know.)

Me: Ohhhhh, Pennsylvania???

Chris: I’m bringing them in, he’s sending them back.

While watching Pretty Little Liars finale…

Me: Why does his shirt have so many holes????

Chris: Just like this show!!!!

A few minutes later on the PLL finale, looking at Aria’s different wedding dress from the first we saw….

Me: What happened to Aria’s dress???

Chris: It died with the plot of this story.

While we were in the car, sitting in traffic, on the way to Gulf Shores on I-65 somewhere around the Hoover area there is a boat on a trailer left on the side of the road.

Chris: You have no power here!!!! 

Guess what time it is??!?! Chris is about to lay down some wisdom on you all with some shit he said, so get pumped!

Chris: These headphones are the best purchase of 2016

Me: Oh you have them already?

Chris: LOLOLOLOL you thought I’d do 2 day shipping???

Me: You’re the most impatient person when it comes to something you want.

Chris:Yeah that’s why I proposed so fast.

Me: Awe, well I can’t argue with that. So they are really good?

Chris: Listening to these headphones is like hearing music for the first time.

*Mac Barks*

Chris: Mac, you are barking from a basket!!!!

**I look down and sure enough, Mac is laying in the blanket basket on the floor barking like he thinks he is a huge scary dog**

Chris: Doesn’t get more gangster than that!

Looking at Woot

Chris: Oh, that Magic School Bus lab kit is pretty dope!

Chris: I did nothing all day and it was everything I thought it could be.

When we got our new couch, Chris was in the fetal position on the couch and looking a little scared. He says, “I’m like a fish in a new aquarium. You need to put me in the aquarium in a bag first and let me get used to the change before you just set me free.”

Speaking of the new couch, every time Chris uses the power recliner he looks at me all serious like and all I see is this….and I cant stop laughing….

There is someone playing a banjo on TV and Chris says “Look, it’s Banjovi!!!”

We are watching The Good Fight and Julius Cane is on there. Chris says, “Why has no one called him Orange Julius yet?!?!?!” The episode goes on and it turns out he voted for Trump. Then Chris says, “See!!!!!!!!!! Orange Julius makes total sense!!!!!!!!” You know…because Trump is orange…..

You guys, I cant make this shit up. My abs hurt from laughing, reliving all these moments. If you cant laugh with your partner on the daily, you are doing life wrong! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Who is ready for another edition of Shit Chris Says?!?!?! I feel like I should have a lot more material for this post that I do. Clearly I forgot to make notes in my phone and well, my brain isn’t functioning at 100% these days. I don’t even think it is at 50%.

–Chris and his friend J go to pick up BBQ at Landmark and ask me what I want. I said banana pudding, I didn’t want any BBQ or anything. It came in a cup like he ordered a to go drink. Like this…probably the 16 ounce one…The next day….

Chris: Did you eat all that banana pudding????

Me: Um. Yes.

Chris: …….

Me: I was pregnant with a craving don’t judge me!!!

Chris: Damn. Last night when I asked for it the guy goes “What size?” And I said “You have the pregnant special?” The guy says “I got  you” and hands me that huge cup of it.

Me: Well it was appropriately portioned for my craving.

Honestly it was a lot of fucking pudding. I am judging myself, but whatever.

–We were walking to the register at Bargain Hunt and Chris was carrying a baby swing that was already put together. Somehow it started to fold on him some and it pinched his hand. He was like “help me!!!” And being in a pregnancy brain fog I just grabbed for it not looking at where  his hands were and made it worse by pinching him in there even harder. I felt awful. 🙁 Later that night…

Chris: My hand still hurts!!!

Me: I’m sorry baby. I didn’t mean to make it worse.

Chris: It wasn’t your fault, but now I know what child  birth feels like.

Me: Yes. I am sure it was exactly the same thing….

–We had an issue with our septic tank and it made a nasty mess. Chris was the one who stayed home while it was being fixed and had the clean up afterwards.

Chris: I guess it is good this happened when it did.

Me: Why?

Chris: Well after cleaning that nasty shit, I will have no problems changing our baby’s diaper. It will be like nothing now!!!

Me: Haha well that’s good!!! It was that bad huh?

Chris: I don’t want to talk about it.